She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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