East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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