Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
