part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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