I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
