the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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