You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
