ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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