i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
