i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
