Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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