think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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