I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
