roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
