I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
