sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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