How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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