Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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