There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
