Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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