I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
