Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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