well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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