I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
