So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
