Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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