I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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