We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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