its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
