This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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