Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
