There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
