She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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