Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
