You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
