peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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