It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
