I'm lost and stupid without you.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
