so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
