you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
