I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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