Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
