You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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