I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
