You smell like a Billy Joel song
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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