He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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