C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
