why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
