Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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