so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
