it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
