I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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