Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
