If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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