I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
