So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
