Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
