When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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