My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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