dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
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By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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