whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
