i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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