my vag is so smooth its legendary
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need to calm my uterus...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
