Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
