I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
