You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I enjoy the company of your penis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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