What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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