I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
