Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
