That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
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ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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