We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
