I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
