my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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