...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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