Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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