george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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