Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
