The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
