does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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