i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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