I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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