You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize