idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
