she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
