Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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