And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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