i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
