Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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