My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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