you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
